Of Marriage and Divorce
Adultery or fornication committed after a contract, being detected before marriage, gives just occasion to the innocent party to dissolve that contract. In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce and, after the divorce, to marry another, as if the offending party were dead.
“For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce.” (Malachi 2:16)
Marriage was established by the Lord God in the garden of Eden.
“And [Jesus] answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? (Matthew 19:4-5)
Jesus spoke these words in response to the Pharisees’ inquiry.
“The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’” (Matthew 19:3)
The Pharisees all agreed that divorce was permissible, but disagreed among themselves as to what was an acceptable reason for divorce. Those of the school of Shammai taught that divorce was only permitted when there was unchastity, or adultery, involved. The school of Hillel taught that divorce was in order if, for any reason, the husband was dissatisfied with his wife—even if, for example, she burned his dinner one night!
Jesus responded, “…what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
The Pharisees countered, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” (Matthew 19:7)
“Because of the hardness of your hearts”, Jesus answered flatly, “…but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)
What is Jesus saying here? Is He really teaching, as the Westminster Confession asserts, that where there has been infidelity it is lawful to divorce one’s spouse and then marry another? Wasn’t this the teaching of Rabbi Shammai? What then would be the force of His words “And I say to you”?
I think it is important to compare this verse with other similar verses found elsewhere in the gospels:
“But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery. (Matthew 5:32)
“In the house once again, the disciples asked him about this. So he told them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.’” (Mark 10:10-12)
“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery, and the one who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.” (Luke 16:18)
Jesus’ standard of righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees. It is a radical monogamy. Even to look lustfully at a woman is to commit adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:28) The disciples’ response is very telling: “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry”, to which Jesus replied, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” (Matthew 19:3-12)
The Apostle Paul reiterates the radical nature of Jesus’ teaching when he instructs the Corinthian church, “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)
God hates divorce. It is a tragedy. But because two individuals are involved, it is sometimes the case that a divorce is unavoidable. “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15) In other words, there is no injunction to “make war” on the offending spouse in an effort to save the marriage if that spouse is determined to end it.
The Catholic church, following the teaching of the early church Fathers, allows for divorce in special circumstances, but does not allow for remarriage after divorce. According to noted church historian Philip Schaff, the historic teaching of the church—up to the 6th century in the East and up to the 16th century in the West—stands firmly behind a no remarriage understanding of Matt 19:9 and 1 Cor 7:15.
“What then shall the husband do, if the wife continue in this disposition [adultery]? Let him divorce her, and let the husband remain single. But if he divorces his wife and marries another, he too commits adultery.” Shepherd of Hermas
“Just as a woman is an adulteress, even though she seems to be married to a man, while a former husband yet lives, so also the man who seems to marry her [and] who has been divorced does not marry her, but, according to the declaration of our Savior, he commits adultery with her.” Origen
“Neither can it rightly be held that a husband who dismisses his wife because of fornication and marries another does not commit adultery.” Augustine
The historic teaching of the church has also emphasized that we are all sinners; that fornication and adultery are just two one of the many ways we “fall short of the glory of God”. The gospel of Jesus Christ is about forgiveness, cleansing and restoration. It is not about legalism. One could think of any number of scenarios where a divorced woman, perhaps a young mother of children, is left alone to fend for herself. Is she to remain single? Is she called to live out the rest of her days (or at least until her first husband dies, according to 1 Corinthians 7:39) without companionship, without intimacy?
It is a question that ought not to be answered quickly. The Lord may very well be calling her to remain single. “There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He [or she] who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” (Matthew 19:12) Doesn’t the Lord call all of us to a way of life that, apart from His grace, is simply unattainable? “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” (Luke 9:23)
The Lord knows our weakness, and the church should reach out to those victimized by divorce, and pray earnestly for them. In the Orthodox Church the principle of oikonomia (Greek: house-building, or the prudent handling of a matter) gradually developed, which allows for a discretionary deviation from the letter of the law in order to adhere to the spirit of the law and charity. After much prayer and soul searching, with repentance, such a deviation may indeed be allowed in the matter of remarriage after divorce. In this way, “Mercy and truth [will] have met together. Righteousness and peace [will] have kissed.” (Psalm 85:10)
